My youngest child Emma died July 8, 2011, at 19 years of age. She wasn’t sick, she wasn’t doing any of the stupid things that teenagers sometimes do, she wasn’t hit by a drunk driver or a stray bullet. She went to bed one night and simply didn’t wake up the next day.

For quite a while, I was certain that this loss that happened to me is the worst thing that ever happened to anybody. I reasoned that others who have lost a child didn’t lose Emma, and no mother could ever have loved their child as much as I love Emma. Things like that. But after a time, I began to think a little less selfishly, and my eyes opened to situations that, honestly, might even have been worse than what I’ve had to confront.

All Ways of Losing a Child are ‘Worst’

I reflect on the funeral of a 6-week-old baby that I attended where there was just a single poster of photos, and I think of how much life Emma was able to experience …

I reflect on a colleague who lost her son to a fatal condition that they knew could strike at any time, and I think of how she must have felt each time when the phone rang at night …

I reflect on a long-lost friend of 38 years ago who found me on Facebook, and I now think about her 19-year-old son who committed suicide …

And then I think about Joe Biden … I do not know much about him, but I know this: He lost his baby girl and young wife in a horrific car accident while they were on their way home from Christmas shopping. He had to take care of his surviving sons, both of whom were physically hurt by the crash and undoubtedly emotionally devastated. And he had to do this on a public stage shortly after a joyous win in an election in which no one thought he had a chance.

Yes, I now believe that things could be worse than what I have experienced. Things could always be worse. But that makes me wonder and marvel at how these other folks survive, because I know how hard it’s been for me, and I look to see the qualities that give them strength. [Read more…]